Life Without Doug

Friday: October 29, 2010

I just looked at the clock and realized that it was 11:10pm. It was exactly four weeks, 28 days ago that Douglas died.

I am having a tough time with the death of Doug as I am sure would be the case with anyone who loses a child. Cathy and I cry frequently about Douglas. We remain heartbroken. We miss him terribly. It is painful and it just sucks.

Bob only talks about Doug reluctantly. He is sad about his brother, he is starting to understand that he is not at the hospital, he has even says that Doug is dead.

We went to the auto shop today to get the oil changed in my car. The shop is across the street from the back entrance to the graveyard where Doug is buried. Bob and I went to see his grave, I have gone several times in the last four weeks. I stop by almost daily. While we where walking around the cemetery Bob said that he missed Doug. He said that Halloween was coming and 'Doug won't be able to get dressed up and go trick or treating because he got dead.' whenever I talk to Bob about Doug he says that he doesn't want to talk about it.

This is one of the few times he would say anything about Doug. He won't admit to missing him, but he certainly does. He has asked for a few pictures of Doug to be put in his room. He specifically asked for a picture to be put above his bed so "I can see him everyday."

This summer Grandpa Drinko and I took the boys to the Memphis Kiddie Park. Doug got to ride the rides for the first time. Of course his big brother was there to protect him. He kept his arm around him and made sure he had a good time. When Grandpa asked why he had his arm around Doug so tightly, Bob said "Cause I don't want him to fall out and get hurt. He is my little brother."

Bob has been very sweet lately. Just yesterday I asked him for a kiss, he said "I will give you a hug because I know you miss Dougie." What a great kid.

Cathy has been very busy at work and I have tried to be busy at home. We are going through all things we have stored over the years and are giving away allot of stuff. We donated Doug's hearing aides to the Regional Infant Hearing Program. They will be used for children in the area that can not afford them, they already are in a good home. we donated all his food and feeding supplies to people who could use them.

We have painted my brother David's home and I had to dig a trench 18" deep and 30'long at my house to put new electric service in our garage. I ran into a large stone about 2' x 2' and 10" deep. It had to weigh a couple hundred pounds. We had to bust it up with a heavy sledge hammer in order to remove it.

We took Bob with his cousins to the Pumpkin Patch and went through the corn maze and took a hay ride. We have tried to keep busy and intend on visiting Doug's cousins Cooper and Jackson in Nashville next week.

We know that it will take a long time to get over Douglas. In many ways I don't ever want to get over Doug. He was simply a pleasure to be around. Even all the worries and surgeries and pain that he put us through was nothing when compared to the joy and pleasure that he gave simply by being the sweet boy he was. Regardless of the pain he was in , he still was always pleasant.

We continue to miss Douglas every day. It is getting easier in some ways, but harder in others. We hope and pray to see him again. We miss him and love him always.

Jim